Stephen is down with fever, runny nose and cough. He hasn't been very "healthy" since end of last year and is almost sick at least once a week, sometimes during the weekdays and other times during the weekends. Pray that he can be well soon because it's difficult to feed him medicine plus he's not verbalising his discomfort, so it can be agonising watching him slump in one corner quietly. It's almost like watching him "suffer in silence"... not a good feeling... well, I do talk to him sometimes and tell him that I understand that he's not feeling good but it's something that he got to bear with... and the thing is he would look at me in the eyes though he doesn't say a word.

Daniel & I have been playing with Stephen at our own time with him. Daniel would sing to him "Ye Shu Xi Ai Xiao Hai Xiang Ai Wo Wo Wo" (4 stanzas). Stephen enjoys this song and would respond verbally to the "wo wo wo", "ni ni ni", etc. He would even complete the last word of each line. This song appeals to him. With me, Stephen and I have fun with "BINGO" song (from Barney). He would anticipate the clapping movement and holds his hands preparing to clap. His eyes would open up widely with enthusiasm as his lips move slightly. Very fun for both of us.

Stephen is now OK putting together a 35-piece puzzle from the Thomas The Tank Engine series and has no problems in fixing them up. He's quite good with different puzzles and doesn't need a frame or picture to guide him along.

Now for the not-so-easy areas... Moments that he's upseting me these days are his unpredictable mood swings. He can be quiet and agreeing at one moment and the next, start slapping me FOR NOTHING! It's so frustrating because he does it only on me. Somehow he can be really sweet to me and yet angry with me for the minutest thing which sometimes I've no clue. Especially when we're outside the home, I'm afraid of him being "triggered by things(???)". These are the things(???) that we have no control over. For eg, in Sun School, it could be his friend's aeroplane or a train or even food that he wants badly. When he cannot have it, THAT'S IT! I'm starting to be apprehensive in stepping into the creche and sun school classroom at times because I don't know what would trigger off his strong response.

From the perspective of the autistic child, he is not capable of differentiating between what he can have and what he cannot have. So it really calls for a great deal of sensitivity on everyone's part to accommodate. Reality is harsh and the pain not only hurts Stephen but frankly also me. Plainly put, if there's some toy or food that cannot be shared, please keep it out of sight from Stephen because the entire process of managing the aftermath is a long and tiring and "can be discouraging" process. Really seek everyone's kind understanding...

The other day Daniel shared that Stephen was imitating words from the song "Jesus loves me this I know" and the boy was singing to the music that's being played... How encouraging and sweet it is to have Stephen proclaiming that "Jesus loves him" despite his disability. Isn't it our belief that God saves whom He loves? How comforting to know that in spite of all these challenges in life, we can have the hope and assurance of a perfect body when we see Him face to face one day.

It sometimes seem so hopeless and helpless for us in this state, but when we look at life not as an end but as a passing phase from here to eternity, that someday Stephen might have a perfect body is a joy and hope that I always think of. Despite all these, I still think that we are blessed. For the love from family members, understanding given by friends and the countless comforts and joyful experiences, they are all blessings to us.